UPDATE: FOUND THIS USEFUL LITTLE TOOLKIT: http://www.angermgmt.com/angertoolkit.asp
I thought to ask Caleb, my 4-year-old, the other day, “What things in life do you not like?” and immediately he said “I don’t like when you get angry.” UGH, I am an asshole.
Jeff often says to me “You have fire in those veins, woman!” Listen, I am the first one to admit that I have a hot head. Perhaps it’s because I am (or used to be) a red head or maybe it’s because my dad had a bad temper and I learned from him. In any case, I don’t handle my anger well and when there are two screaming kids, dinner to make, and milk spilled all over the floor for the 3rd time in an hour, I tend to lose it. By lose it, I mean my face gets red, my eyes bulge out of my head and I scream at the top of my lungs like a lunatic.
I have made some strides over the past 4 years. I have learned to put myself in a timeout when I feel my internal temperature rise or sometimes I start talking like a Stepford wife and deliver a calmer line like ”Caleb, climb into your car seat right now or you are going to get a big timeout” with a smile and a fake affect on my voice that tones down what I really want to be saying “CALEB GET INTO THE CAR SEAR NOOOOOOWWWWWW.” Still, sometimes, the devil comes out and I swear my head is going to spin right around my neck and vomit will start spewing from my mouth.
I like to think I am an educated woman. I read parenting books like The Wonder of Boys and Parenting with Love and Logic; I get parenting magazines and share discipline stories at playgroup; I have a therapist and, of course, have started blogging and using the hula as meditation. I have also learned that yelling and screaming DOES NOT WORK (of course, it has an immediate effect- the crying pauses and it sure does let off a lot of the steam- but then the crying gets louder, the milk is still on the floor and dinner is still not made) and still I let the anger take me over and I am ALWAYS embarrassed after.
There really is no conclusion to this post as I continue to struggle with getting my emotions under control. Perhaps I need to find an anger management class or maybe I should take up wrestling (does G.L.O.W. still exist?) as an outlet… Suggestions welcome.
